Letting Go

As all of my friends know; I am getting out of the military soon. I have so many feelings that I have a hard time putting them into words. On the one hand my soul longs to be free to chase my dreams and my passion for philosophy, theology, photography and to be an active partner with God’s active work of redemption. I am thrilled that I am being given the opportunity to chase those dreams. On the other hand I am scared. I have been in the military my entire adult life. And while I have never really fit in; I have been somewhat institutionalized by always knowing that I have a constant safety net and ultimate job security. It is a scary thing to be letting go of that security blanket especially during this economic situation. I know it is the right thing to do, but it scares me. I know that this will be really good for me. But I am afraid of getting hurt. I am afraid of the unknown and yet my soul yearns for the journey into the unknown. A helpful friend pointed out a really interesting parallel. He said that in many ways I am experiencing the same physchological thought process of many women in an abusive relationship. In that they know that the relationship is really bad but they know it and can predict it. They know what to expect from it. They want out but are scared of the unknown. I am beginning to understand how they must feel. I guess I would ask that my friends pray that I would have strength and the courage to take the leap and learn to trust. I am excited but I want to have a calm about this.

Comments

[Jessica A]

it is only courage on the path itself that makes the path appear... ;p

[journeyingrick]

it's all about the leap of faith. i wish the leap of faith were also supported by certainty! but in my life, leaving college teaching to go to seminary and into ministry, then leaving the denomination to come to austin and be in a non-denominational church, and then leaving that church to be part of a new faith community, and not having ANY sense of what the hell i was doing in any of these steps except that it was what god was saying to do, it's been scary and beautiful and i have had to stay AWAKE! and that's good. and a pain in the ass.